Blair Press Office Release

3 August 2005
Another exclusive, as this was only released to the Squirrel.
Dear Mr Squirrel
Y'know, I'm not at all impressed with these alleged press conferences that you keep reporting. The ones between me and Mr Boss, ah, Bush.
I mean, it's all very well to pour scorn on us, but do I hear you coming up with any answers? Just because you have a fluffy tail does not excuse the fact that you and your people kill hundreds of trees every day, while showing off to your mates. And don't make some cheap remark about political parallels. As far as I'm concerned, you're just a rat that happens to have a cute tail that gets you off the hook but shouldn't.
And I hate the way you keep implying that I am Mr Boss's poodle. He doesn't influence me at all, period. And don't take the fifth amendment on me, I want to hear a sensible response.
You have to stop talking about my business interests too. Cherie's filing for chapter 11.
Oops. My Press secretary just told me that you haven't discussed my business interests. I therefore demand that you tell me why not.
Incidently, I hope it wasn't you who threw a brick through my wind shield and dented my gasoline tank. I've a good mind to kick you on the fanny, you old fag.
Anyway, I promised to rub cream onto Gordon's feet. He's been kicking his neighbour's fanny again and his toes are all red.
Must dash. Toodle pip.
Yours, Tones xx
There endeth this blog. Stay tuned!