Still writing after all these years

31 July 2005
Inspired by the recent production of one of my short films, I am now writing again. I'm currently working on another feature. I've no idea why, as my other features are just gathering dust (or viruses, perhaps) on my computer.
I finished another short film script ealier this week and have sent it off to the producer/director who did the last one. My e-mail was very non-assertive, in case he thought I was being a bit pushy. He'd be quite wrong to think that, of course. I left it a whole 2 days after the shooting finished before contacting him. I was just trying to save him the effort of advertising for excellent new scripts when I could provide an almost excellent one without any effort on his part.
The thing I like about shorts is that you can churn them out within a few days. Features take so much planning and thought. The more experienced you get, the more nightmarish it becomes, as you have to consider more and more aspects. If I wasn't being forced to write them by the creative dictator within, I would probably take up skydiving for some peace and quiet.
If you haven't been following this blog, you won't know that I've been featuring Blair and Bush's (fictitious) off the cuff speeches. Bush this time.
"Oh, ah, thank you. It gives me great pleasure, as a humble Texican, to officially open this mouth today. This, this, mall today. Shopping mall today. And tomorrow. I guess, it will always be a shopping mall. At least while I'm still in power. After that, who knows. Can't trust the other folks, you see, the democratics. I believe this great nation would not be where I am today without shopping mouths like this. You see, it's families. Oh yes, without children, there'd soon be no-one around. Just people growing old and dying. That's why this mall is so importinant. Thank you. Plenty good. Plenty."
There endeth this blog. Stay tuned!

It's a wrap 4: Still rolling

30 July 2005
More trivia from the weekend film shoot.
I always thought that the director just said 'action' and then the actors began to do their thing.
How wrong I was. It starts with the least busy guy on the set (whatever his official title is) saying 'Quiet everyone'. Then the director (or sometimes DOP) says [camera] 'rolling'. The director then says 'mark it' and my beloved clapper board is 'clapped' and the clapper flapper person says slate 16, take 752. She then tears away as the director says 'first positions' whatever that refers to. He then says 'background action' meaning 'extras try to act and fail as usual' followed by those mythical words 'and action'. I decided I preferred 'and action' to 'action' and subsequently felt let down if 'action' was detached from its conjunction.
Last blog, I imagined Bush and Blair trying to make unscripted speeches.
Here's the next instalment. Just Blair, this time:
"Well, y'know, it's all very well for you to ask me to make an impromptu speech but, y'know, it's not as simple as that. If I want to say something important to the people of this country, I leak it. It would be very irresponsible for me to leak from the top of my head. Everyone knows that I'm a decent bloke, doing a decent job, indecently and I'm not as simple as that. I can't just walk in here and expect people to take me seriously, unless I have a stupid grin on my face, like this. Or this. No I prefer the first one, no that's my wrong side. Try this. Perfect."
More to come, but that's all for now.
There endeth this blog. Stay tuned!

It's a wrap 3: The Nightmare Continues

29 July 2005
More trivia from the weekend film shoot.
There was one person making copious notes and checking the monitor continuously. Whatever she was doing, her role appeared to require very short hair. The continuity person, I soon realised, when she quietly appeared beside me and said 'Stop ageing so fast, it's ruining the continuity'.
As an extra, I had to learn the art of sipping without reducing the level of my drink and talking naturally without making sound. I gradually got used to it, although my female 'partner' kept talking over me. I decided that she must be a good actress to be so realistic. Judging by her body language, whatever I was saying must have been very interesting. Because I had to avoid drinking, I tilted the glass very very slowly towards my mouth. I shall now watch background drinkers in movies more closely to see if they are doing the same thing. If they're not, then as my acting ability does not extend to glass-tilting, the only part I should now audition for is a dead body.
As we did numerous takes, I began to amuse myself with 'unsuitable' comments. If my lips are in focus and a lip reader looks at them in the completed film, we're in trouble. No-one will notice, then, unless pigs learn to fly.
You're not going to believe this, but as I typed the last sentence, a police helicopter flew over the house.
Another thing that hadn't really occurred to me when I wrote it, is that a chip packet does not respond well to repeated scrunching and unwrapping when you film the same scene again and again. While we did use several chip packets, they did become somewhat the worse for wear. If you deduce from this that my script was not exactly Art House, shame on you for thinking that I would stoop so low as to do Art House.
If I was an Art House writer, I wouldn't get the fact that my 'police helicopter' paragraph is not believable. Well you didn't believe it, did you? Art House writers suspend disbelief when they re-read their scripts but no-one else does when they watch it. Not that I dislike Art House, I'm just being satirical.
I was delighted to see that they used a clapper board in our production. Our director doesn't always use them. For me, the clapper board is as organic to film-making as the striped pole outside a barber's shop. One without the other is unthinkable. Could you imagine Britain without a monarchy? You could? Bush without a speech writer, then. No-one could imagine that, although it's fun to try. Yeah, okay, I'll try:
"Good Evening Ladies, Gentlemen and... Nope, that's covered it. In Texas we have a saying. It goes like this. A bird with the Bush is worth two in the hand. Basically, that means you can't beat about the Bush. I'm a religious man, you see - burning bush, see where I'm coming from? - I'm born again. I was born again five years ago. So I'm now five years old. Kinda cute. My teacher's pleased with my reading. Says I've the abilities of someone twice my age."
To redress the balance, here's Blair without a speech writer:
"Am I on? Hi, it's me, your sincere friendly neighbourhood prime minister chappy. Y'know, it would be easy for me to stand here and say I'm standing here, but y'know, look at the facts. What? Yes, okay, I'm seated, but just look at the facts."
That was fun. A running feature, I think.
More to come, but that's all for now.
There endeth this blog. Stay tuned!

It's a wrap 2: Return of the Thread

More trivia from the weekend film shoot.
Another aspect was the power-hungry equipment. I don't know how many times the camera and monitor power packs were replaced. It seemed like every five minutes. I did consider offering my little video camera, as its power pack lasts for over an hour, but I didn't want to embarrass them.
On the second day, although the filming was completed, time was limited as the location, a public bar, had a strict 12.30 finish time. Just before 12.30, the scene (what I saw) was similar to a chess grandmaster game where the players are frantically moving pieces and slamming their hands onto the timer before they run out of time. We were tidying up and moving out equipment as the final takes were being shot. The pub was cleared and opened for business in less than a minute after the final wrap!
I was also surprised to find that there are professional actors out there who are normal, likeable people. Having watched talk shows featuring some of the Hollywood greats, I always assumed that actors were nebulous, inarticulate hysterics, with no ego-strength or personality. I suppose if that's what you're like, it gives you a lot of time to devote to your acting career as no-one in their right mind will want to come near you, hence their success.
If you're a Hollywood great, I'm not referring to you, just all the others.
More to come, but that's all for now.
There endeth this blog. Stay tuned!