Russian Gas and Secret Tradesmen

Last week's blogs were a little unsettling, if you believed them. Like everything, there was some truth in there somewhere.
But Peak Oil is probably further away than some would have us believe.
As Saudi's oil company is half owned by USA and entirely run by USA expertise, a business model likely to be repated in Iraq, Americans have little to fear for a while in terms of energy supply. In addition, Iran has huge oil reserves that when properly managed, will also mitigate against an early peak oil, not to mention West African oil, Russia's immense Gas reserves, other fossil fuels etc.
So relax, there's nothing imminent. Of course, I could be wrong and just in case I am, my next car will be electric. If I can master the remote control for it, I should be fine.
Speaking of cars, don't mechanics drive you mad? The worst are the quick service centres for a new tyre or exhaust. It doesn't matter what you go in with, they concoct a story to demonstrate that you are actually lucky to be alive given the dangerous state of all your tyres. Unless you replace all your tyres urgently you are unlikely to make it to the end of the street. As this sort of practice is widespread, you do wonder why trading standards people don't employ folks to go around such places and fine them for fraudulent attempts to sell unnecessary products, better still publically flog them.
I have never quite understood why everyone else nowadays has to adopt high professional standards of service to remain in business and prevent you going to the competition but there are some jobs exempted form this market force - notably tradesmen.
Tradesmen are allowed to let you down again and again, charge for longer hours than they were present, do an awful job, be extremely rude or threatening and all you can do is grovel at their feet expressing extreme gratitude at their wisdom when they state the staringly obvious as if it is a new insight only someone with their intellect and experience could possibly have got his head around. One can only assume that tradesmen have a secret society (a bit like the Masons only infinitely more powerful) where they meet and determine the 'standards' to which they all must adhere. Anyone caught providing a good service (e.g. turning up at the right time, doing the job in the actual length they said in the estimate rather than much quicker as they knew all along, being polite etc) will be executed. I'm sure all their rules of poor conduct are written down as they all adhere to them religiously. Obviously these rules are top secret and not available to the paying enemy such as me, but I am willing to have a go:
Charter of Best Poor Practice for Tradesmen:
1 The client is the enemy and any pleasantness from the client is better understood as malicious trickery and should be responded to accordingly. You must never ever consider your client to be a decent person and must therefore always treat them as if they are shit stuck to your shoe, because actually they are much worse, but you have to show some decency.
2 When purchasing boots to wear when you work, check the treads very carefully. The boot must be able to pick up as much mud and dirt outside as possible then deposit it bit by bit on the client's brand new carpet. The boot must be designed to deposit the mud gradually, one large deposit does not meet poor practice standards.
3 When your client makes any sensible suggestions, you must behave as if you can't understand the language. Alternatively, you can make up anything you like and baffle them with words you've just invented. 'Ah, but if you do that, the phlange will start bubbling in the quassack. In time that will erode the stabilisers and you'll only be able to fart quizzically on Wednesdays' - or some such.
You get idea. There's another seven hundred rules, but I'll skip to the last one:
700 Under some circumstances, it may be necessary to assault your client. For example, if he extends his hand to shake hands with you, this is a threatening gesture and should be met with a right hook (best practice is to the nose). If he tries to shake hands again, kill him. For our list of (seemingly) tragic accidents, see appendix 2.
There endeth this blog. Stay tuned!