More from the White House

3 October 2005
More from the interview with the President:
White House Newsletter (WHN): So why's it called the Oval Office?
Pres: No idea. Kinda cute name, I guess.
WHN: Could it have something to do with the shape of the room?
Pres: It is kinda shaped like a circle that's been squashed down - like Sharon sat on it.
WHN: Is it shaped like that so the President never feels cornered?
Pres: That's an interesting question. But I'm not one to look back, so I'd never know if there was a coroner behind me or not. I only look in one direction: up.
WHN: What do you drive?
Pres: One of these of SoBs. I like the noise the engine makes. Kinda cute.
WHN: You say 'kinda cute' a lot.
Pres: No, the idiot who writes this invented it for me. I hate it. Kinda cute. Argh!!
WHN: Surely you're used to other people writing what you say.
Pres: That's not very nice. I've a good mind to report you to someone in a position of power. Like Mr Blair.
WHN: Mr Blair has a position of power?
Pres: Yeah, creases me up too.
WHN: You're very funny, Sir.
Pres: Not too funny. Just a bit funny. Can't have the President being too funny, can we? It's a serious business trying to run a country and when I try, I shouldn't be too funny.
WHN: A little funniness is acceptable?
Pres: Probably not. Strike that.
WHN: Next question. If you had 200 billion dollars to spend on something you shouldn't, what would you do.
Pres: That's too easy. Give me another question.
WHN: How would you claw back that investment to the benefit of America?
Pres: That's too easy too.
WHN: Why do so many people think that the war in Iraq wasn't due to oil?
Pres: They have this annoying habit of believing everything they're told. The secret is not to listen. Me? I'm good at that. They should take a leaf out of my tree.
WHN: So it was about oil.
Pres: No, of course not. It was to get me re-elected.
WHN: Who is your favourite writer?
Pres: Elspeth Hemmingway. Best Amercian writer there ever was.
WHN: Can I have your comments on the new Pope?
Pres: Yeah, he's the new Pope 'cause a caretaker in the Sistine Chapel was cold and lit a fire. It's funny what you learn in my position.
WHN: Like the names of world leaders?
Pres: There's no need for that. Just because Coffey is not my cup of tea.
WHN: Do you believe the word 'United' followed by 'Nations' is a non-sequitur?
Pres: Secateurs are for pruning roses, right? I've got 'em out and I've already started reshaping the UN. I'm perfectly entitled to do that. Where d'ya think they meet, after all? It's on my turf, so I'm going to tell them what to do. Or they're out. Period.
WHN: Do the British share what Mr Annan says in his private office?
Pres: Sure, but he has learned to speak in code.
WHN: In code?
Pres: Very clever, really. He uses intelligible words, but speaks so slowly that no-one has enough time to listen to one of his sentences.
WHN: Mr President, Thank you.
Pres: A pressure to talk with you. Here, have a pretzel.
More from this interview later.
There endeth this blog. Stay tuned!