Donald Ramsfart Exclusive

8 September 2005
Now an interview with Donald Ramsfart, again from the White House Newsletter:
White House Newsletter (WHN): What is your response to people who point out that you were personally responsible for supplying Iraq with weapons?
Ramsfart: Well, you see, it depends on how you look at it. Half of what I was involved with then wasn't in the public domain as it is now, that is to say that that information is privileged, if only for historical reasons.
WHN: What about the half that is in the public domain then?
Ramsfart: As it's already there, I don't need to repeat it.
WHN: How do you find the situation when you visit Iraq unannounced?
Ramsfart: I find that they didn't know that they didn't know I'm coming, or rather not not coming, because they didn't not not know first.
WHN: Meaning?
Ramsfart: I've covered the lack of that. Next pre-answer sentence with a question mark, please.
WHN: Why do you never answer questions clearly?
Ramsfart: I'm glad you asked me that. It's to do with the modern obsession with sound bites. I dislike sound bites of less than three hours.
WHN: What's your favourite colour?
Ramsfart: I don't have a favourite colour. Trick question, right? I mean, there are certain colours that are off limits. If I said white, that would be a scandal. If I said black, that would be a scandal. If I said yellow, that would be rude. You see? Even pink is a bit risky, because white is really pink just as black is really brown. Even that's a bit iffy. Yellow, of course, if plain yellow. You see, you've got me into deep water. I'll skip this one. Another question please.
WHN: Is it true that red is your favourite colour?
Ramsfart: I think I've answered that. You just don't know it.
WHN: Do you respect the President?
Ramsfart: Very much. I was immensely impressed with Saddam.
WHN: Do you like the Iranians?
Ramsfart: Absolutely, without them, my job would be much less fun.
WHN: Meaning?
Ramsfart: Definitely. Next thing please.
WHN: Do you consider yourself a witty man?
Ramsfart: That will be for history to judge. I certainly hope that people will laugh at what I've achieved over the years in years to come. I know I do.
WHN: Will you retire soon?
Ramsfart: Good grief, no. There's plenty more fart left in this ram.
WHN: Mr Ramsfart, thank you.
Ramsfart: Thank you. You can't catch old Donald, I've been around the block a few times more before you were even thought about. And you didn't know that, because you couldn't have known that, as you were actually unknowable at the time, considering the reality that your existence was not a given as characterized by its complete absence at the time in question, that non-existence being an absolute as opposed to a partial truth.
There endeth this blog. Stay tuned!